in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
