I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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