You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
