so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
