Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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