When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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