he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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