The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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