I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
