we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
