How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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