So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
