I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
