And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
