I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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