Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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