Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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