I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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