ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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