I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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