I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
