mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
