I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
