i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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