So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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