In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
