I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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