You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
