I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
