I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
