hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
