Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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