But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
