even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
