I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
