Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize