he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize