I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
