I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
