Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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