What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
