using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize