I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
