what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
