I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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