are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
