Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
