He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
