mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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