so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
