Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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