Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize