just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
