Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
