omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
