do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
