I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
