If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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