Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
