I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
