I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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