I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
