Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
