I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
