I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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