my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
