Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
