He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
