It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
