My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
