he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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