just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
