Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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