i don't like sucking hair
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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