His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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