I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
